Friendship, what does it take?

Throughout most of my life I have moved so many times that I have seen friends come into my life quickly and leave just as quickly. These periods of transition from place to place, new faces to new faces created in me this feeling of never belonging. There are very few people in my life currently that I feel are my truest and most faithful friends. Why is it that friendships don't last as long as we intend for them to? Are we just shallow in our investment we make with others so when we move on to the next stages of our lives we don't have to feel the pain and hurt that come when you are uprooted and made uncomfortable? Noticing my lack on investment in previous friendships, I committed to try and keep the ones I had, but also create new ones in this new small town. I intended to create friendships that I hoped would last and be life long. I mean, how hard could it be in a town where most of the people you come into contact with are hundreds of miles away from family, husbands are gone often studying, and children need friends to play with? An organization was even created to help establish those friendships! I have been reminded during this journey of opening myself up and tearing down the walls that I kept up to protect my heart that friendships are more than just time, service, love, and similarities. There is always a need for a mutual interest in order for friendship to be cultivated. One where not one or the other person feels obligated to be there. Obligation creates awkward moments in times of real need. Because I have not taken friendships as seriously as I probably should have, my "friend making" skills have been rusty. Over zealously I gave of myself freely to those that I now realize truly had no intention of cultivating anything more than a mere acquaintance with me. This realization has proven extremely painful and disheartening.

There are so many quotes regarding friendships. As Bob Marley said, "The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."  The fact that we are all mortal and will make mistakes and say or do something in a moment of stupidity truly defines the pains we suffer at times in our earthly existence.  I love how C.S. Lewis described friendship "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."  This quote more than any other I felt would define many of the relationships I would make with people in this new life we have created. I have also found though, that there will always be something that we can have in common with other people.  The point that I think REALLY matters is whether or not the similarities are deep and at times require exposing our truest self in order for the friendship to truly grow. One point that I have found truly striking is how many people in this small town feel lonely, yet put on a show for one another, myself included! Why do we do that to ourselves? Is it pride? Why do we pretend to be perfectly content with the social situation of our lives when there is a something definitely wrong?! It drives me crazy to think I have been doing this. I have been so good at it, that I have been mistaken to belong to the groups that discriminate against everyone else, when in fact I am just another lonely person in the world just wanting a friend. Jane Austen said it best in describing how I feel towards those I call my friends when she said "There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature." I don't know how to care about people halfway. When I give of my time and myself to others, it is my way of saying "I care about you and value you as a human being." Don't most people feel that way? But instead I am called 'sweet' and 'thoughtful' or even 'saint-like'.

Muhammad Ali explained that "Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." I feel this new age of Entitlement blinds so many of us into thinking only about ourselves and our needs and wants. If the world just looked outside of itself for more than a few moments and invested its time and energy into becoming a true and genuine friend with other individuals, the world would naturally become a better place to live. However, this world we live in is vain, deceitful, and filled with envy. How can a person forge out into the world and expose their tenderest and deepest insecurities and expect them to be respected and cared for? "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship" Ralph Waldo Emerson. So much of the interaction that takes place in the world today is empty and the "the words are easy, like the wind; faithful friends are hard to find" William Shakespeare. I guess that is why we have family, isn't it?  Families truly withstand the test of all the pressures and mistakes that we have to endure in this life oftentimes unconditionally. Families are our deepest and truest friends. If we don't have a family, we don't have friends. With the world's disintegration of the family unit, it is no wonder that friendships are harder and harder to come by. We lie, hurt, and break our families apart with our own self-entitlements and desires only to realize we are all alone. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for Ty and his unconditional love towards me and every imperfect bone I have in my body. I am grateful that he endures my sadness and endures my pain with patience and long suffering. He is everything and more that I could have ever expected or asked from any friend.

Ultimately, I guess all I am trying to get at is that, I want to be your friend. If you are lonely, feel forgotten, or feel as though you have been overlooked and passed over, I have a friendship to offer that comes with more than just empty words and shallow praises. I offer more than my time and my sacrifice. Maybe it is indeed the fact that I am so willing to do so much that scares so many away from wanting to be my friend because they they don't feel they could give as much. Whatever the reason, I hope I can overcome my own feelings of loneliness and insecurities and move forward in my life and not take much time for the individuals that cast me by the wayside as dross or not worthwhile and hopefully lift another that feels the same way I do.

Afternote:
After sleeping on my post, I re-read it this morning finding many truths hidden between its lines but also a lot of pain. For the negativity I am sorry for- but it needed to come out. This blogging thing has really become an outlet for me in many instances.  I did realize I forgot the most important part of my post! How grateful I am for the people in my life that are still my friends and that have always been there to check up on our little family even though time /or distance or both doesn't allow us to spend time with one another. Thank you for your love! Thank you for all the memories we have shared. Those memories are irreplaceable and have forged the individuals that we have each become. Last night while talking to a dear friend I asked, why are we still friends? She answered very wisely and said "Those moments we shared together helped create the foundation for the rest of our lives." Indeed! Those individuals that have helped form the very person we are end up being those that remain a permanent picture in our past and are often fondly looked back upon.